Easier said than done.

Why don’t you leave?

Everyone asks that once you tell your story.

Once they learn it was more than “that one time.”

They don’t understand the fear. You can’t leave because you don’t believe you will get away safely.

Behave and survive or leave and possibly be killed.

It may seem excessive to you but in those moments of anger you see it in their eyes.

It’s not the initial impact that scares you, it is the look in their eyes when they realise they want to hurt you even more.

Advertisements

I love you, but I love me more.

It is really hard to find and maintain good relationships.

My grandmother told me that if something or someone doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t edify your soul or benefit you; you don’t want it in your life.

But growing up in church we are taught to love unconditionally and be a “rock” for everyone.

Throughout my years I’ve come to the realisation that we cannot be a rock for everyone when we are not a rock for ourselves first.

Some people will take advantage of us but instead of being upset or angry with said person it is up to you as an individual to learn when to say no.

When to realise that this person is no longer good for your health.

When to distance yourself and cut off the negative energy you cannot handle.

I’ve really struggled with this lately. Although I am not a perfect human being I have this belief that’s been embedded in me since I was a child. I can love people past their pain, past their insecurities and love them until they love themselves.

My belief caused me grief for years. I was never able to disconnect emotionally from all the wrong doing or misuse of my efforts. I had trouble letting go of friendships that damaged my wellbeing and people that expected more than I could give.

I felt that if I gave up on these people I was failing.

I went from being giving and gregarious to being guarded, isolated and angry. I thought I hated people but really I was mad with myself for allowing myself to be mistreated so much.

If you are a natural healer you must learn to disconnect and cut off your energy when it is being drained instead of shared.

It is not hard to find good relationships if you love and value yourself first. For you are what you attract.

An epiphany for 2018, I forgive myself and love myself and will continue to build people up like I was created to do so.

Mark 12:21

The second is this: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Chasing Unrequited Love

Unrequited love; the classic “romantic” love chase.

Constantly putting yourself second to a person who doesn’t cherish or reciprocate your feelings.

This is considered romantic and worthwhile in Hollywood.

The delusion that the happy ending is just around the corner, but how does this play out in real life?

I’ll answer that for you, terribly!

Yet plenty of men and women will chase someone who has made it clear they don’t really value you.

It’s not romantic and it doesn’t conclude like the movies do.

I’ve discussed this and a lot of people confessed they’d find that it is worthwhile because you are fighting for that “one” person you “love”.

At what point does it stop being a matter of chasing what you want and just looking damn right pathetic?

They say persistence will beat resistance every single time but why should we fight for a man/woman that doesn’t want to give us the time of day and why are we so addicted to it?

I think it’s an addiction to wanting what you cannot have.

Sometimes we are so obsessed with wanting what we can’t have, we don’t realise that when we get it we won’t want it for very long.

My expectation of love

The substance of a great rom com.

Is it so wrong for women to want that?

It feels like we get all the pain and heart ache of a 2 hour rom com over and over without the happy ending.

Every relationship has their own growing pains but these days it is not uncommon for women to put up with infidelity, commitment issues and men simply stringing us along and wasting our time.

Why is it the status quo for the difficult part of the movie but we are considered impractical for wanting a dream man with a fairy tale wedding?

If we have to put up with all the emotional bullshit from these men why is it so unthinkable for us to want our happy ending, a guy that will show up at our door with flowers, go out of his way to open the door or chase us relentlessly when they’ve fucked up?

These things aren’t immensely difficult and chivalry may be dead but so are our standards.

I did some research and asked some friends what their ideal partner looks like.

All of my male friends listed more physical than mental traits and my female friends came back with a very detailed description fairly even between physical and emotional requirements.

It is a known fact that men are more lascivious than women but it appears than men are also more inclined to settle.

It is maybe because they don’t have any mental traits in a women to fawn over in action clad movies or can any women be tolerable if she looks the part?

Men can have their “Bond Girl,” I want my Noah Calhoun.

Him.

When I saw him, not for the first time I mean when I really saw him, everything went quiet.

All I could hear was my heart beating. There wasn’t a single thought in my brain.

Except him.

He was all I could see.

My focal point and for a brief moment in time, my entire universe.

Then my lungs tightened and all of a sudden I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

Is this what butterflies feel like?

It’s sickening.

A Love Affair X 2

Sometimes love comes at the most inopportune times. In some cases you may find yourself loving two people – at the same time.

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second one.”

How true is this statement?

It’s unreasonable to believe that one single person is going to fulfil all of your needs.  Hence the need for compromising in relationships, but when you are in a situation like this how do you really confirm who to choose?

If you’re in a monogamous relationship with someone that’s missing a quality or something specific you like, it is very likely you will develop some sort of feelings for someone that shows up in your life presenting  this “something” you are missing.

It is expected you ignore this other person in fear of losing the other; the 80/20 rule is a perfect example of this.

For those of you that don’t know the 80/20 rule; it’s the theory that explains, in a fairly healthy relationship you only get 80% of what you want and the rule is that you never leave your 80% for the 20% that’s missing.

Is there a chance your 20% man would make a better 80% than your current partner?

Exploring this option would be considered cheating and leaving one partner in pursuit of discovering the other, both seem like bad ideas for their own reasons.

So what are we left with?
Do we settle and trust that the 80% we’re currently receiving is the best we’ll get and fold or do we raise the bet and put our heart back on the table?

Dating friends of friends

It’s normal for a “guy” friend to ask a female to hook them up with a friend but I have rarely heard one of my female friends asking me to fix them up with a close friend.

I asked a few females and the response seemed very collective.

The concerns ranged from worrying that the two introduced friends will spend too much time together taking away from their own relationship, to having a secret crush on your male friend and no longer having them as an option if they decided to pursue it.

Not surprising to me but the concerns were mainly that the male would be taken away with not enough time for the now third wheeled friend.

It sounds like some females are keeping their male friends as unspoken options and setting him up to a possibly successful relationship would result in a “My Best Friend’s Wedding” type situation.

On the other hand I have hooked up quite a few females with my male friends, always hopeful that it will work out.

I’ve also been on the other end of the stick, intrigued by one meeting with a close friend of a close friend.

I approached my friend and she seemed fine with it so I then decided to approach him. We hung out as a group a few more times so I could form my judgement and we were flirtatious, spoke after the group get together and exchanged phone numbers.

After feeling like there was more than a friendly connection I decided to approach him. He stated that he felt it was a back stab to our friend.

He seemed conflicted abut his decision, he then stated “I wish we could,” which made me wonder if my friend had the same mindset as these other females and said something to ban the situation from the other end.

Maybe, maybe not. I’ll never know.

I wonder if some women keep male “friends” around as a back-up just in case they find themselves alone at 30, or save them for a rainy day and an ego boost. Is being single really that scary that we entertain relationships we don’t really value as real friendship?

I wonder what the view is vice versa – do males secretly do the same thing and if so why aren’t they just getting together straight away?

Are we all just back-up plans for our friends?